Interesting things have been happening since I got back from a Colorado mini-vacation with my family: I sang "I Wanna Sex You Up" at karaoke, saw Megadeth and new In Flames (they played like one pre-Clayman song! what?), and we drunkenly danced at the goth bar (yikes). I blame alcohol. But somehow I got my paper/presentation done in time for my Monday night class, so my first semester of grad school is done. We celebrated last night by seeing Opeth and Dream Theater in a beautiful theater outside of Chicago...we walked in to see a huge chandelier, double staircase, valet parking, and tons of security. It was wonderful and weird. In Milwaukee there’s usually one dude standing outside in a Pantera shirt and you can openly smoke weed at pretty much any venue. This was not the case. The last time I saw Opeth was on a makeshift stage at Metalfest 2000, so it was great to hear them in a quality venue. They played ALL post-Still Life material, which was a little disappointing, but “The Drapery Falls”, “In My Time of Need”, and “Wreath” were absolutely beautiful, and the new song got me excited about the upcoming album. Oh, and their new keyboard player was the fucking best…he was going off the whole time!! I love musicians who headbang on unconventionally headbanging instruments…I always like seeing the Deftones because Abe Cunningham goes off the whole time Mick Harris style. :)

I think if I listened to Dream Theater more I would probably worship them, but their personality has always kind of turned me off. They opened the show with a video tribute to themselves. Yeah. And they played their new video, which I think is about flying vampire lovers in the future? But I thoroughly enjoyed their set and the crowd was a lot like Rush crowds (i.e. single men with a shirt on of the band they’re seeing). The kid next to me was talking about how he hoped there would be a lot of keyboard solos…awwww. There were!

I had to grab a photo of this on the way out. And they're Wisconsin plates!

Seeing Opeth and In Flames recently has made me realize how long its been since I’ve bought albums from certain bands…to me, their last albums were Blackwater Park and Clayman. It doesn’t seem that long ago...

I am so happy to have found this clip this morning. We were watching Top Chef this weekend and came across an awesome example of bad reality show editing/product placement after the fact. I see this all the time on ANTM - a drastic shift in audio quality mixed with reaction shots that don't match at all...get some better editors! Thankfully we were at my parents' house and they have TiVo, because this was worth rewinding many, many times...

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/04/24/icymi-quite-possibly-the-single-greatest-product-shot-in-top-chef-history/

God, fuck the Spurs and fuck Pennsylvania. I shouldn't have had that last shot last night post-Hate Eternal...now I'm all surly and there's too much work here to feel like that. But not enough to stop me from some random Wednesday thoughts:

I want a gif of seconds 3:58 to 4:00 of this.

These will eventually become self-aware and take over the world.

I wonder if I can get Agalloch for our kidergarteners?

I'm glad this got made just for these scenes.

Hi Liza, I work with retarded children also. And laugh at musical theater majors.

Do not rent Shortbus. You may be lured by the promise of "real people" having "real sex" on camera, but trust me, what follows is not worth an hour and a half of your time. It's a half assed version of both a porn movie and independent film, and it does neither well. It's basically a bunch of self absorbed people who occasionally fuck each other, and you won't care about any of them. After watching the extras I found out the actors and partners were cast before anything was written, and it shows. The story is second to the director wanting to film people boning. What's more - for all the sex, this is one of the least erotic movies I've seen. It think it actually turned me off. That may be because I can't relate: gay dudes having blowjob circles, drag queens, "open" couples. Fine, great, but at least make me care about the people. I wanted some sort of realistic love story sprinkled with sex. No luck! But it had sweet enough intentions, even if they didn't go very deep. And I was impressed by the one guy's ability to fellate himself.

Thank you fourfour!! (this is a gay man I can relate to) I will to make some time this weekend to enjoy the My So-Called Life box set I got for Christmas, but I want to stretch it out as long as possible...

I got this email this morning:

Amanda-Got final word. She will be out June first and you are in. Hope this is OK. Let me know for sure.

I said yes, but asked him to meet me to discuss details and sign a lease. Hopefully this is the last bump in the apartment road and I'll be moving in on June 1st. :)

It's interesting how easy it is to talk yourself out of something that's unavailable to you. I was so pumped about this place, then I had to un-pump myself, so getting it now is a little anticlimactic. I spent the last week convincing myself it was for the best, it was on a busy street, I will find something better, etc. and now I have to put all that enegy back into getting excited about it!

This search has also showed me how hard it is to make a decision when faced with so many choices. I have this problem with most choices, no matter how small. Salad dressing, kleenex, pens...I spend waaaay too much time staring at shelves and weighing my options. I truly think these tiny choices are going to affect the quality of my daily life, so I want to make the right decision. This problem just gets worse when I have to make a more serious decision...thankfully I usually have strong feelings either way immediately.

The fact is most people make crap decisions because we don't have enough information or are overwhelmed by the amount of it. Maybe this can help?

Got this one from the landlord who bailed on me:

Amanda- Do you still want the apt. if I can swing it?

Swing it?! What does that even mean? Did the other girl change her mind? Are you going on forceably remove her from the place? Are just a insane flake? Hmmm. And I had just gotten over this place and mentally pumped myself up to find something else. But of course I still want the apartment.


Also got this nice one from my favorite UWW professor:

Hi Amanda, It sounds to me that you have made a wise decision--which, of course, I would expect from you. Teaching is a delight, even if one can work some Heidegger into the classroom ( I-am- currently-doing -Heidegger- in -Contemporary-Philosophy. I am even planning of bringing Being to the next class!)

I hope that your life keeps going well.

Joys,Dave


From: Amanda
Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 3:40 PM
To: Cartwright
Subject: Changes...

Hello Professor Cartwright! I wanted to thank you once again for your letter of recommendation - I was indeed accepted into the program at Marquette, but have since decided to pursue my master's and certification in special education. I'm currently working for a school district and my experiences here have led me into the classroom. I'm taking classes part time and am very much looking forward to teaching. Maybe I can work some Heidegger into my lessons. :)I hope you had a good year and enjoy your summer.

Sincerely, Amanda


Yeeee.

As someone who has always struggled with indecision, this article was especially interesting...

Finally got to see some shows over the weekend..it seems like it's been a long time since national tours have come through. We caught Monstrosity and Today is the Day at seperate shows in one night, which made me very happy. Monstrosity sounded great, probably because I haven't seen a straightforward death metal show in a while and I'm nostalgic about them. I'm always worried about seeing bands I've loved for a long time on these semi-reunion/new lineup tours, but they were solid.

I also had my heart broken by an apartment. The situation pretty much consumed my brain for the rest of the weekend. I saw it on Friday night and it was perfect...hardwood floors, arches ceilings, new bathroom, above a storefront, etc. The landlord said it was available in June, so I went back home and got my lease extended a month, and called the new landlord to confirm. He said it was mine, and that we'd get the paperwork done when he got back from vacation. I was so excited about it...we had a little celebration dinner, and I started planning the move. I stopped by my mom's on Saturday morning all gun ho to get things done and I discovered an email from the new landlord saying the current tenant had decided to stay for another year. Fuck. My heart sank and I spent the next few hours laying around watching Top Chef in a zombie state. I was so disappointed. Russ had a party that night, so that temporarily took my mind off things, but I've been thinking about it since.

I think I've built this place up in my mind so much that it's going to be hard for me to find another apartment. So I woke up yesterday and decided that I was going to make a last ditch effort to get it. I called the guy and calmly explained my situation. He was very apologetic and said he might have another place available. We talked for a while and I'm feeling better about it. Maybe I just needed to hear him say he was an asshole. Meanwhile, my apartment is up for rent, so the search is still on. Craigslist has been funny...I placed an ad and got the most ridiculous responses - "Come live in my extra bedroom for $800 a month! I'm a 47-year-old male! You pay utilities!" - but I am not giving up. (...if anyone knows of a cute place in the Wauwautosa/West Allis area, let me know...)

New Office on Thursday! And look at this little...

This has been a brutally dull work week, made worse by the fact that the woman whose desk is next to mine has been acting extra crazy. She's clipping her nails, coddling her college-age children (after high school, no one should be making your doctor appointments but you), and telling me what moles she's getting removed. I'm trying hard not to seem completely uninterested, but it's hard. At least I have these blogs to keep me entertained. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have found them...it's like musically walking through my formative years. Prior to metal, all I listened to was early 90's hip hop and R&B. I also wore purple jeans and Starter Jackets, but I'm not going to get into that. My renewed interest also comes from something Russ and I did last week. We went out on Tuesday for some drinks, and since he played a few 90's hits on the jukebox, we made a list of all the 90's alternative bands we could think of...at bar close, it was at 60+ bands, and I continued to pump many dollars into their ripoff of an itnernet jukebox to hear more three minute songs. But it was really fun to remember them with someone who had the same experience you did. He also pointed out how beautful and simple the subject matter was...all Reality Bites-type stuff about love and coffee and whatnot. I'll have to take a photo of our list and share it. But I've found a few of my favorite 90's songs from the Z. Cavarici days..

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, !!!

These make me so happy.Anyway...the weekend was nice. I was when I woke up on Friday looking forward to a productive day off and found my car (and everything else) completely snowed in. I tried to move it for about 10 minutes with no luck and went back inside defeated. I didn't leave the house again until Saturday morning when I was scheduled to take the Praxis I test. All certified teachers in the state of Wisconsin take need to take Praxis I and II, and if you don't pass, you don't continue in the program, so I was a little nervous. I think it was mostly due to the uber intense test environment...they make you show ID, sign all these forms swearing not to distribute test information, lock all your possessions in a tiny locker, make you show your ID again in the pre-test wrangle area, give you earplugs, and sit you down in a room full of others freaking out in tiny cubicles. Once I got rolling though, it was fun. For some reason, I've always liked taking tests...I think that's why I did so much better in college than I did in high school. And I scored high, so I was happy. Saturday night we had our annual family egg dying party, and dyed 8 dozen eggs! After that we did normal Saturday night stuff...played bar trivia and drank.

We watched Dan In Real Life a few nights ago, and while not much like real life, it was sweet enough to be enjoyable. Any movie that includes Steve Carell dancing is one worth seeing. :) Also watched No Country For Old Men again over the weekend, and the more I see that movie, the more I'm amazed at it. I was reminded of Kundera's writing style...a parable-ish story mixed with thoughts on the bigger picture and how people deal with it. And NCFOM's themes have been on my mind for a long while.

Recent Purchases:
I Like You by Amy Sedaris
Is There No Place On Earth For Me? by Susan Sheehan (on the recommendation of Ms. Sedaris) In The Woods - Omino
Ulver - Shadows of the Sun (so heartbreaking I can barely listen to it)
Soilwork - Stabbing The Drama (total guilty pleasure)
Primordial - The Gathering Wilderness
Edge of Sanity - Crimson (re-buy after I lost this...how did I go so long without it?!!)

Education is a tough field to work in. I spent the morning hand delivering a letter of termination to a teacher at the high school. It was semi-justified, but a parent pretty much forced the administration's hand. Occasionally something like this happens and I find myself second guessing my choices, but I just need to push through and realize that if I'm a good teacher, the insanity will be minimal. But levels of scrutiny and accountability are high, especially in special education, but I've seen good teachers get reamed by parents. I'm worried that it will affect me emotionally, since I don't deal with conflict well. But since I currently work in the administration office, I only see the problems, and I need to keep some perspective and realize that 95% of families are not completely unstable. Hopefully they'll fall somewhere between neglect and this. Sometimes I think I should just take off and spend my life frosting cakes somewhere, though.

Is it weird that I really don't care about Eliot Spitzer's infidelity? Sure, if I were his wife I'd be devastated, but I've never really been surprised or outraged when I find out that people of influence are boning on the side. It won't affect my life, and it probably wouldn't have affected his ability to do his job. I never understood why religion and sex are such huge issues when it comes to politics. Beyond the fact that he broke the law, I think it's something that's completely between him and his wife. Poor woman.

I just got an email from Frommer's saying "Explore Delaware, Inside and Out". All I can think is this. :)

In my quest to find a winter weekend getaway, I came across this awesome hotel about two hours west of here in Dodgeville, WI. I think my favorite is "Tranquility Base - Featuring a recreaion of a Gemini Space Capsule, "moon crate" whirlpool, VCR and CD player". Make sure you click on each room name and get the 360 degree tour - it seriously looks like they just paper mache'd half that stuff!

I just had an observation at the middle school to gather some info for my case study, and it was pretty intense bunch of 6th graders. There were three EBD kids in the class, and they're at this weird hormonal stage where, as Louis CK said on Friday night, "they're fucking everything in your house when you're not home". It seems like they just don't know what to do with themselves, and three boys were just antagonizing the poor teacher. When I tell people what I'm going to school for, they usually give me a look like "you really want to do that?", quickly realize they're making that face, and then act happy for me. It's strange when someone else's nightmare is exactly what you want to be doing. I really like my classes so far. The main difference I've noticed about grad school, and especially in this field, is that it involves so much more experience and research. It's fun, but frustrating because I'm not in the classroom full time, I still have to schedule observations and interviews along with work. Thankfully the district is really flexible about it.

I finally saw There Will Be Blood on Tuesday night (a heavy snow made for a perfect night of lone movie watching) and I think I've become a little obsessed with it. I keep going over it in my mind, and want to see it again as soon as possible. It was really affecting, but completely unlike most movies that stay on my mind this long. This and No Country For Old Men seem to have started a little controversy, mainly about their unconventional endings, but those appealed to me, and the performances, aesthetics, and themes alone are enough to make them wonderful. Also, Daniel Day-Lewis is still unbelieveably sexy. I think I need to see The Last of the Mohicans again.

The weather seems to have everyone down, so I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend before another foot of snow hits us on Sunday. A few links for a slow Friday morning...

http://chronicle.com/temp/reprint.php?id=t5wqrs9hpxt70zjz3bv348pqg1hcxz0r

http://www.wired.com/politics/security/magazine/16-02/ff_stasi?currentPage=all

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2008/01/13/dont_just_stand_there_think/

If I never have to see another local newscast with a guy standing outside demonstrating that it snowed (no shit), I'll be happy. I love the snow, but the coverage is ridiculous. I wasn't even aware that that tornadoes had killed 50+ in the south until I caught it on The Today Show this morning. Ugh. I should get cable. But it was nice to be snowed in, off work, and without obligations. We took a little walk to the store and it was fun to be frolicking in waist high snow.

Oh, and I caught a minute of Oprah and it just confirmed my Oprah hate. I mean, she does some good things, but she's clearly so removed from the real world that it makes it almost impossible to relate to anything she says. She had a show called "The Secret Behind The Secret" yesterday, and all these weirdo life coach ladies were giving their perspective on it. Now I completely believe in the power of positivity as a force in your life, but it works because it changes your actions, the way you treat others, your outlook, and how you live your life. This seems like common sense. I just believe that it comes from you, and you have to take action as opposed to sending out thoughts and hoping good things just happen to you.

But anyway, Oprah told a story about a recent experience with her magical thoughts. She was reflecting on a show she did about a professional bubble blower, and how much she wanted to blow bubbles herself. Yeah. At that moment, she walked into her foyer and found a bubble kit, complete with bubbles and a silver Tiffany bubble blower. Oprah asked her assistant where bubbles had come from, and her assistant said it was a birthday present she had given her a while ago. Oprah's reaction to this was "And I never knew it was there until I actively thought about bubbles!" or something to that effect.

So this story illustrated two things:

1) Oprah is an asshole who is unaware of a birthday gift from her assistant until it occurs to her that she wants it.

2) Oprah is an asshole who believes that her positive thoughts brought her a fucking Tiffany bubble blower.

I could name about 10 other instances off the top of my head that proves how out of touch she is, but it's too early in the morning to get annoyed.


One more day... :)

I'm trying to buy Rush pre-sale tickets right now, but I'm really just torturing myself since after buying textbooks last night, I have zero dollars. I'm just going to be patient and hope good tickets become available closer to the show. Between brokers, pre-sales, radio stations, etc. it seems super hard to get good seats to shows. And online ticket buying is so frustrating...I remember standing in line with my mom to buy tickets to one of my first shows (Live and PJ Harvey in 95 I think? heh) and getting awesome seats by just being there. No more!

The weekend was nice...went to Lee's for drinks on Friday night, and saw Cloverfield at The Rosebud on Saturday. I left wondering why I didn't go to The Rosebud earlier. The kids working there were so nice, and where else can you cuddle on a velvet loveseat while drinking a beer and tea and watching a movie on the big screen? It was wonderful. The movie was good...visually entertaining, but I found out about all the viral marketing/backstory stuff after I saw it, and it seemed ridiculous. I think I would have been disappointed if I had spent time looking into a story that had nothing to do with the fairly simple movie. But the "massive creature attacks city" aspect was more than enough to keep me interested.

There Will Be Blood starts at The Rosebud on Friday - go see it!! Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Day-Lewis. I can't wait.

I mistakenly passed my normal turn while driving to dinner today, and ended up passing a park where I spent a lot of time as a kid. Since it's pretty much a big bowl, a beautiful fog had settled in it. Thankfully I had my camera and spent about an hour enjoying the unseasonably warm weather. ( photos are here... )

Since the holidays whacked everything out, I’ve been more aware of the regularity of my schedule lately, and I’m actually enjoying it. Mondays I play in a pool league, Wednesdays we have ladies night, and Tuesdays and Thursdays I (try to) go to the gym and spend time with Russ. I’m also going to make a habit of visiting the library once a week. This will serve the dual purpose of preventing my usual ridiculous fines (about $40 last time) and keeping me reading. I’ve been coming across so much I want to read lately, but funds are minimal. Why do I not immediately think of the library?! There’s a huge one right near my house that I worked at all through high school, and I need to take advantage of it. There are so many excellent resources out there that we should be using! Here…let’s all get a free MIT education.

Oh, and I start graduate courses in 12 days. I’m super excited, but also anxious. I know enough about special education theory and I know I’ll enjoy the classes, but putting it into practice will be new for me.

Dear Internet,

For the first time in three years, I'm wearing jeans to work. We're trying out "casual Friday", and assuming no one comes to work looking like a complete schlub, we're going to keep it. I came in feeling like I was doing something wrong...probably residual feelings from an insane boss that made me feel horrible for wearing jeans once. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't work for crazy people anymore. Kind of. The Superintendent and Directors have asked me to plan a Festivus gathering in lieu of a Christmas party. Yes, Festivus. I have been instructed to acquire a pole. Apparently Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle loves them.

I've been spending more time in the classroom lately, as I'm doing observations to get a better feel for special education and what area I've like to emphasize. I really like the LD and EBD rooms, but I have to deal with the fact that EBD classes consist of about 90% redirection and 10% instruction. I need to put my idealism aside a little and accept that a lot of kids are extremely averse to learning, regardless of how enthusiastic you may be. But I am not deterred!

Russ and I were out last night and a bearded, extremely dirty man came up to me and said "Amanda?!" I said yes, and it turns out he was someone I went to elementary school with. He was completely crazy in fourth grade, and completely crazy as an adult. He explained that he had just been released from prison, showed us a gaping wound in his leg, repeatedly mentioned his "third degree black belts" and said something about snake fighting and cellphone kiosks. I kept squeezing Russ's hand to prevent myself from exploding, but I think I let some laughs slip. I don't think he noticed. Maybe he did, and he's planning his revenge right now. This looks good.

Anyone catch The Office last night? It was the best new episode I've seen. Wilderness pants-fashioning, A. Knife, cobbler...and that last exchange between Michael and Jim was really funny and touching. I love the absurdity of most of the show, but those genuine moments are my favorite.

It's a slow day around here, and thank god, because Queens of the Stone Age drained me last night. I say this pretty often, but really, it was one of the best shows I've seen in years. They opened up with "Regular John" and I had hopes that they would play their entire catalog start to finish (not likely), but they played a great variety of stuff. They're one of the tightest and well-rehearsed bands I've seen, and they make it look so effortless. Plus they had five huge spider-looking chandeliers and a black backdrop with orange lights poking through, so it definitely felt like a Halloween show. I was so excited to see a band I've loved for years and have them exceed all my expectations. :) And even though they didn't play it, the show reminded me that this will always be one of my favorite songs and videos ever.

I randomly caught this documentary after Frontline the other day, and the parallels to our elections were scary. And the 8-year-old aspect made it simultaneously adorable and disturbing.

Ooooo a cool interview with the Mythbusters guys....I like the audophile episode idea.

I hope everyone has an awesome pre-Halloween weekend

I finally got around to watching The Lives of Others, and I couldn't recommend it more. Based on the previews I thought it would be a pretty straightforward (and drab) political thriller, but like all really wonderful movies, it was more about what makes us human. I loved it. I was even more touched to learn that the idea for the movie came from music...specifically this Lenin quote:

"I know of nothing better than the Appassionata and could listen to it every day. What astonishing, superhuman music! It always makes me proud, perhaps naively so, to think that people can work such miracles!" Wrinkling up his eyes, Lenin smiled rather sadly, adding: "But I can't listen to music very often. It affects my nerves. I want to say sweet, silly things and pat the heads of people who, living in a filthy hell, can create such beauty. One can't pat anyone on the head nowadays, they might bite your hand off. They ought to be beaten on the head, beaten mercilessly, although ideally we are against doing any violence to people. Hm — what a hellishly difficult job!"

Poor Lenin should have been listening to more music and patting more heads.


Is it weird that I'm at my desk, working on my "virtual desk" for Dunder Mifflin Infinity? Either this is a huge waste of time or I just doubled my productivity.

I love this.

That thing is goooood.

Well, since this has been the least productive workday in the history of life, I might as well continute it and write a little! I was lucky enough to see Rush, Katatonia, and Aesop Rock within a week or so of each other, and if that happened regularly, I would be the gayest person alive. Rush was great of course, but it was definitely the "Snakes and Arrows" tour. It's hard when a band has 30+ years of material and you want to hear everything. But they played "Circumstances" and "Between the Wheels" back to back (WHOA), so that made up for the abundance of new stuff. I was a little aprehensive about seeing Katatonia last weekend. They're a really special band to me, and when I saw them at Metalfest in 2000, they suuuucked. Bad. On their website Jonas lists that show as his "worst Katatonia moment", and it's justified. But thankfully they sounded great in Chicago and I wanted them to play forever! We were a little surprised at Jonas's liberal use of the words "wonderful", "fantastic", and "amazing", which were decidedly un-bleak, but their new stuff is a lot more rocking, so maybe he's doing less moping these days. The show reminded me how much I love them, and I've been jamming the hell out of their whole catalogue lately. And it was wonderful to share it with someone who was just as into it as I was.

I'm trying not to get too excited about this, but I already am!

I can't believe this show wins Emmys, or even gets watched at all...except for Barbara's awesome mention of "internets" and "sperms".

Here's a goldmine of ridiculous Tyra-isms to keep you entertained. I missed the ANTM premier, but I heard there's a model named Spontaniouse, so it must have been great.

Wow.

It really, really needs to be the weekend. Hope you guys have an awesome one. :)