I saw The Happening over the weekend, and even though it sucked beyond belief, I’m happy I saw it. The premise was intriguing…angry plants releasing a toxin causing humans to kill themselves (apparently the toxin contains a “in the most violent way possible” element), but our better nature can stop it from happening. Kind of. For the main characters. It could have been creepy and emotional. It was pretty much the exact opposite of that.

But over the past week, it’s provided more entertainment and conversation than most average movies. So many logic-defying scenarios and bad lines to talk about. I enjoyed that Marky Mark mentioned “good vibes” during the movie. M. Night claims it was supposed to be a B movie, but I doubt he meant it to be this bad. The mood in the theater was more of disbelief. A high school kid in front of me kept slapping his forehead when the characters did something dumb, which was often. I seriously advise that you rent this, just so you can understand how ridiculous it was. I’m thinking it must have been intentional, because I can’t fathom a group of people ok’ing this movie with the idea that it was tense or well-made in any way.

In an effort to save you from wasting $9 on The Happening, I’ve assembled the most entertaining pieces of dialogue:

"It makes you kill yourself. Just when you thought there couldn't be any more evil invented!"

"Why are you giving me one useless piece of information at a time?"

"We're so much the same, Jess. I don't like to show my emotions, either."

(Watching tigers maul a man) "What kind of terrorists are these?"

"C'mon, buddy. Get interested in science!"

"Can you believe how crappy people are?"

“You eyein’ my lemon drink?”

“Central Park? That’s kinda odd.”

"She's on a bus going to New Jersey. To the city of Princeton."

"Are you going to murder me in my sleep?”

"What? No! Maam I'm a teacher, I would never do such a thing.”

"Oh, it's the army. We're saved!"

"Elliott's resilient, isn't he?"

"We're not assholes!"

(Long after fatal wind has been established) "Close the windows and the doors." "Why?"

(Car drives up) “Look, there’s a car.”

“We’re normal, you can tell that by our voices."

"The house looks abandoned...the windows are boarded up. We should stop here to get some food."

"Nothing happened...Could this really be happening?"

“Something seems to be happening.”

June is a always an emotional time in a school district, but this year has been especially hard for me since two (out of three) of the school psychologists I work with are retiring. Two of them just hugged me and left, and we made plans to get together, and I tried to just keep working, but it’s hard. These are people I spent at least an hour a day talking to…people I shared things with that I’ve only shared with my immediate family. I would ask them a question instead of giving me a short, easy answer we’d talk for 45 minutes. They were such a source of knowledge for special education and pretty much any family/relationship/life issue I needed some guidance on. Ultimately, I’m extremely grateful that I worked with both of them for as long as I did, learned a lot, and have a wonderful example to base my future on. It still sucks.