I just had a long conversation with a co-worker, a woman about twenty years older than me who is like this calm, benevolent mom of the office. She always sees both sides of issues so I can talk to her rationally about pretty much anything. I brought up catching some of the Republican National Convention last night for the pure entertainment value, and I mentioned how hard it is for me to get involved in anything political, since I get a robotic, disingenuous vibe from about 90% of statements politicians make. It creeps me out that there are people’s entire lives that are dedicated to pleasing (i.e. lying to) large numbers of people, namely people who’s jobs consist of twisting the same situations to represent different things (from both parties). Bizarre. I really pride myself on being able to see both sides of a situation, but last night it was very, very hard. I mentioned that Giuliani and Palin’s speeches were particularly weird since statements like “clinging to religion” were met with screams of pleasure from a bunch of old white ladies in straw hats, among other things. But our IT guy made it clear that he thought the exact opposite – that the Democrats had a negative vibe and the Republicans were merely celebratory. I made some neutral comment to try to diffuse the situation while my other coworker and I made “what the fuck” eyes at each other. Yikes. He’s also suuuper into Jesus. I just hope he doesn’t block my internet access.

Anyway, here are some things I learned from 20 minutes of the Republican National Convention:

John McCain can “protect us from anything nature throws our way”. Next tornado warning, he better be here doing some ridiculous shit.

Todd (“Second Dude”?), Padge (or whatever the older son’s name is), and the rest of the Palins look like all the douchey jocks from high school. Yes, I’m judging them based on appearance. Todd.

The shots of Giuliani in front of the water looked almost exactly like the bad CGI shots of Wyckyd Scepter performing “Getting the Shaft Again” for all those gay guys.

Roberta McCain, mom of John McCain, is still alive. Wow!

Calls for offshore drilling from Giuliani will be met with chants of “DRILL BABY DRILL” followed by his maniacal laughter and Joker-like smile.

The kid who knocked up her daughter looked freaked the fuck out. It ruled.

One random old man likes to wear his baseball hat backwards. It was kinda cute.

After that it started to get unsettling, so we watched Bear Grylls eat a raw sheep’s heart after pulling its body from a peat bog. It wasn’t that much different…